i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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