guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
