erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
