there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize