My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
