You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
