If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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