Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
