Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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