Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize