This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
