At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
