She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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