I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
