evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
