he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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