You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize