I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Holy sore nipples Batman
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize