You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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