Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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