You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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