it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
