My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
