forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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