Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
