Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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