She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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