mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
