please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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