You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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