You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
