you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Randomize
