shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
