She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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