i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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