He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
