My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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