I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
