I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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