i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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