I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
