M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
