if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
is wine microwaveable?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
