dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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