you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Randomize
