If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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