Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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