I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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