About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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