It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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