i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
