My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
