Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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