I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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