Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
