I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
he shaved USA in his pubs
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
sex in a hospital.. check
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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