dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
