I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
