see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
