someone threw a dead crab at me
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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