Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
