wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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