You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
