What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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