Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
