is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
