At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
