so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
